Agnes Crandall, a food columnist better known as Cranky Agnes, is working on her second bestselling cookbook (More Mob Food) and getting ready for the big society wedding that's going to be held in her back yard when a guy with a gun breaks in and tries to kidnap her dog. Agnes accidentally kills him. Shortly after that, a big grim guy named Shane (just Shane, like Madonna) shows up to protect her. That's good because things just keep getting worse until it's pretty much Agnes and Shane against the world, at least the part of it that's armed and coming for Agnes.